Your Guide to Dating an INTJ: Relationship Weaknesses, Needs, and Quirks

So you’re thinking of dating an INTJ. Congratulations! You’ve landed yourself a truly loyal, interesting, and low-drama partner. That being said, dating an INTJ is not without difficulties. In fact, INTJs can be downright difficult to date. But why? We’ll dig into common INTJ weaknesses in relationships and how to be an ideal partner for these lovably strange humans.

INTJ Weaknesses in Relationships

INTJs are one of the rarest personality types. Moving around the world differently from the other 98% of the population is sure to spark some unintended conflicts. It’s in this spirit that we’ll look at some common INTJ weaknesses in relationships, in an effort to help loving partners make sense of their mates.

Let’s look at some common weaknesses.

INTJs are not naturally in tune with others’ emotional needs.

Bless their hearts, but so many INTJs struggle to understand other people on an emotional level, and may find themselves at a loss when it comes to understanding how their partner is feeling.

They may also become impatient with what they see as their partner’s “irrational” emotions and can be very blunt in their criticism. In order to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with an INTJ, it is important to be able to openly communicate both partners’ needs and feelings.

INTJs may also struggle with making time for their relationships.

They can get so caught up in their work or other projects that they neglect their partner’s need for quality time and attention. This can be a particular issue if their partner is someone who feels neglected or unimportant when they are not given regular attention.

They are very open individuals, so when an INTJ does feel a connection, you’ll know when they miss you.

INTJs like to be left alone, except when they don’t.

It’s a contradiction, we know. Frustrating, even. But this is the reality of dating an INTJ. While they are very independent, INTJs also have a deep need for connection and intimacy.

Their detached nature can sometimes make it seem like they don’t care about their partner, when in fact they may just be struggling to express themselves.

It’s hard for INTJs to find people they truly click with so when they do find someone, they want to feel that intimacy.

Why are INTJs hard to date?

Some people are natural-born romantics. These people are not likely INTJs. For all their wonderfully unique qualities, being easy to date is not one of them.

INTJs can make tricky partners.

They may have difficulty expressing their emotions and can be very guarded when it comes to vulnerability. This can make dating an INTJ challenging if you’re not aware of their needs and how to work with them.

In fairness to all straight-shooting INTJS, we also need to determine what “hard to date” even means. INTJs can come across as aloof or lacking basic dating know-how.

They don’t prioritize their romantic relationships like other personality types. INTJs are very career-driven and this often comes at the expense of their personal relationships. This contributes to the “hard to date” reputation so many INTJs get.

Why do INTJs struggle in a relationship?

There are a few things muddying the dating pool for INTJs.

For one, they tend to be pretty guarded when it comes to emotions. They’re not the type to wear their heart on their sleeve and can be hesitant to let anyone in. This can be interpreted as rejection by partners who decide it’s time to find someone else.

INTJs are also natural skeptics. This quality can come in handy in many areas of life, but it doesn’t do them any favors when it comes to finding love. They tend to overthink things and can be quick to judge a potential partner. This can make it hard for them to find someone they’re compatible with. It’s hard for them to “click” with people, but when they do, they’ll be hooked.

Lastly, INTJs are very independent. They like to do things their own way and can have a hard time following someone else’s lead. In a relationship, this can lead to conflict if their partner wants them to be more involved or take initiative (eh-hem, romantically).

Do INTJs get jealous?

Great news! If you can’t stand jealous partners, INTJs are attractive mates. They are many things. Jealous is not one of them. In fact, they often find the emotion to be irrational and unreasonable.

INTJs are completely confident in themselves and their abilities. They don’t need anyone to prop them up or make them feel secure. This doesn’t mean they’re arrogant, just that they know their worth.

That being said, if you are the jealous type, dating an INTJ might not be in your future. They don’t like jealousy – not from themselves or their partner.

Do INTJs push people away?

Here’s the thing – INTJs don’t push people away, but they are often accused of doing so.

INTJs do not need constant attention and reassurance. They’re confident in themselves and their abilities. This can sometimes be interpreted as aloofness or disinterest.

INTJs may come across as cold or unemotional. Combine this tendency with their intense focus on personal projects and careers, and it feels like getting pushed away.

If you have an INTJ partner, it’s always best to ask them directly. They’ll tell you! Never assume with an INTJ. Their peculiarities can be easily misinterpreted, so if you value your relationship with them, it’s always best to talk to them if you feel like something is off.

Do INTJs have trust issues?

INTJs are not immune to trust issues. In fact, they may be more prone to them than other personality types. This is because they tend to be guarded and skeptical by nature. They overthink things and can be quick to judge.

INTJs need time to get to know someone before they let their guard down. They need to be sure that the person is worth their trust. This can be a long and difficult process for INTJs.

If you’re dating an INTJ, be patient with them. They will come around in time. In the meantime, try to be understanding of their need for space and privacy.

What do INTJs need in a relationship?

INTJs need a partner who is patient and understanding. They see the world through a unique lens, which makes them fascinating, intelligent partners. But, it also means they get lost in their own worlds and can become overly focused on projects and professional endeavors. A good partner to an INTJ will understand that.

Despite needing a lot of alone time to thrive, INTJs are surprisingly big on quality time with their loved ones. They may not need constant attention, but when they’re with you, they want to be fully present. That means no phones, no distractions, and no interruptions.

INTJs also appreciate a partner who is willing to try new things. They are always learning and growing, and they want a partner who can keep up with their intellectually stimulating conversations. A partner who can challenge them and help them see things from a different perspective.

Who gets along best with INTJs?

INTJs are attracted to others who are confident, independent, and intelligent. They like people who can keep up with their intellectually stimulating conversations. People who are patient and understanding. And people who are willing to try new things.

In general, INTJs get along best with other independent types, such as ENTJs, INTPs, and ISTPs. People who share their need for alone time and mental stimulation. People who respect their need for privacy and space.

Overcoming INTJ Weaknesses in Relationships

Whether you are an INTJ trying to be a better partner or a non-INTJ looking to date one, it’s important to understand how an INTJ thinks and what they’re looking for in a partner. Nobody is perfect, including our beloved INTJs. Learning about their relationship weaknesses and quirks is an important step in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Are you dating an INTJ? Tell us how it’s going!