INTJ Girlfriends: Your Complete Guide To Making It Work
If you’re dating an INTJ woman, you’ve found something truly rare. Only 0.8% of the population are INTJ women! (Men are more likely to be INTJs, representing 3.3% of the total population.)
So now that you’ve found this rare gem, it’s time to dive into what makes your INTJ girlfriend tick. We’ll dive into everything you need to know, from how she perceives the world to what she wants from your relationship.
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INTJ Personalities: A Brief Explainer
INTJs are one of sixteen personality types identified by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The letters stand for the four core traits of this personality:
- Introverted
- Intuitive
- Thinking
- Judging
The contrast to these traits are:
- Extroverted
- Sensing
- Feeling
- Perceptive
The Myers-Briggs test determines your most dominant combination of any of these eight traits, which you can then use to gain insight into your core motivations, preferences, and working styles (among other things).
For our purposes, let’s break down what the I-N-T-J could mean for your relationship.
INTJ Characteristics in Relationships:
Introverted:
If you’re dating an INTJ woman, you likely already know they’re introverted and feel recharged by spending time alone.
This doesn’t mean that your INTJ girlfriend can’t or doesn’t enjoy social situations and spending time with others.
It simply means that to recharge her batteries, your INTJ girlfriend requires some quiet downtime. Don’t worry. You’ll know when your INTJ girl misses you, so at least there are no weird mind games to decode.
Intuitive:
Intuitive people tend to rely on hunches or feelings to gather information that helps them decide whether to move forward with a situation. They might also feel more comfortable trusting their gut when they’re making big decisions.
This is different from a sensing person, who is more likely to rely on concrete information they can see, hear, touch, or hear.
You may notice that your INTJ girlfriend sometimes struggles to explain why she does or doesn’t want to move forward with something. She knows when she’s on the right path, even when she can’t fully explain her reasoning.
Intuition is an information-gathering function of Myers-Briggs and describes how your girlfriend uses her environment to understand her world.
Thinking:
Your INTJ girlfriend likely prefers thinking to feeling. This means she sees problems logically and looks for concrete solutions.
If you’re someone who tends to rely more on your feelings to determine correct decisions, you may struggle to understand how your INTJ girlfriend can remove feelings from the equation.
People who prefer thinking to feeling are typically rule-followers who are reliable and consistent. So your INTJ girl might not be up for a sporadic trip or sneaking into a hotel pool.
Judging:
People who are introverts and also prefer judging over perceiving tend to like to have things figured out and may be uncomfortable with situations that are ambiguous.
As an INTJ, I can tell you that not knowing where I stand with a person drives me insane. I like things straightforward and buttoned-up as much as possible. (If only the world worked that way).
Your INTJ girlfriend may prefer to arrive at an answer to a problem quickly, even at the expense of having all the information they need to make a fully informed decision.
It’s one of our many blindspots.
Understanding Your INTJ Girlfriend
If you’re a completely different personality type (or even if you’re an INTJ, too), it can take some work to understand your INTJ girlfriend.
Here’s what you need to know.
1. INTJ Girlfriends Enjoy Theory
Your INTJ girlfriend likely enjoys talking about abstract concepts and having deeply meaningful conversations.
What she’s not into so much? Chit-chat. Small talk.
So taking her places that involve a lot of small talk with strangers who don’t share her interests might be a bad idea (at least early on in your relationship).
2. Your INTJ Girlfriend Has High Expectations
You likely already know that your INTJ girlfriend works to be her best for you — and she expects the same in return.
When an INTJ person decides to connect with someone else, they give it their all, and they expect the same from their partner.
They don’t play the usual dating games, so you get what you get with an INTJ girlfriend. Now if you, on the other hand, love the games and the thrill of the chase, this will not be the relationship for you.
Better you know that now.
3. INTJ Girlfriends May Be Perfectionists
Just like your INTJ girlfriend has high expectations for you and others, she also has high expectations for herself.
This can be stressful, as her perfectionism can drive her to overwork and never feel like what she’s doing is enough.
INTJs are very ambitious, so you’ll have to keep that in mind, too. She’s going to split her time between you and her work and goals.
If you’re a particularly needy type, this is something you’ll have to accept.
4. INTJ Girlfriends are Fantastic Listeners
Feel like you can talk to your INTJ girlfriend about anything? You can.
She’s great at using her intuition to understand nuanced aspects of situations that often go unsaid.
But be forewarned; she will try to problem-solve things with you and look at situations objectively. If you need her to commiserate with you on an emotional level, she can, but you’ll have to communicate those needs.
It’s not her default mode.
5. Your INTJ Girlfriend Can Handle Criticism
There’s no need to tiptoe around tough topics when it comes to your INTJ girlfriend.
The logical thinking patterns of people with the INTJ personality type mean that they’re able to take criticism objectively and don’t typically respond from an emotional place.
Doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but INTJ women are usually more open to having hard conversations.
6. Talking About Emotions May Be Difficult For Your INTJ Girlfriend
There are many benefits to a relationship with an INTJ, but talking about feelings and emotions might not be one of them.
INTJs just aren’t good at it. It doesn’t mean we don’t try, but it’s hard for us and does not come naturally.
Be patient with your girlfriend. A little bit of encouragement when she does open up about how she’s feeling can go a long way in encouraging her to keep doing so in the future.
7. INTJ Girlfriends May Come Off as Insensitive
Your girlfriend may tend to cut straight to the chase.
She appreciates when people are straight with her, so she might have a tough time delivering information in a way a more sensitive person would appreciate.
If your girlfriend comes off as insensitive, it can be her attempt at giving you tough information the same way she’d appreciate you giving her feedback.
Who makes the best partner for INTJ women?
Good news: the INTJ personality type’s commitment to logic and being a great partner can make them a good fit for many personality types.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re the polar opposite of your INTJ girlfriend, that can actually be a good thing.
INTJs appreciate certain partners who can balance them out, especially when it comes to their tendency to take life too seriously.
ENTJs, ENTPs, and ENFPs are idea partners for INTJ women.
These personality types offer the intellectual relationship that INTJ women crave, and their extroversion means that they’re less likely to get offended when their INTJ girlfriend gets tied up at work or prefers to have an easy night at home.
What your INTJ girlfriend probably wants from the relationship:
INTJ women want an intellectual match who can keep up with them.
Your girlfriend will likely spend more time listening than talking, but this doesn’t mean she’s not interested in sharing her life with you.
As she sees you open up to her, she’ll be more likely to do the same. Let your girlfriend know that you see and appreciate the hard work she’s putting into your relationship, and remember that it may take her more time to open up to you than it takes for you to open up to her.
While your INTJ girlfriend may have a hard exterior that’s tough to break through, once she lets you in, she’ll give your relationship her all.
Take your time getting to know her, and don’t be afraid to explore abstract and theoretical concepts, despite her straight-laced, logical nature.
Over time, you’ll likely find that your INTJ girlfriend is a fantastic partner, allowing you to feel heard and understood, even when times get tough.
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